Pain and Pleasure

I didn’t go to the gym to work out after my class as I’d told my roommate, Talish, I was going to do. I don’t really know why I didn’t do that. I was just so nervous and frustrated and jumpy that a good workout was probably just what I needed, but my mind wasn’t on that sort of workout. My mind was on Talish, and I was just so embarrassed and confused and, yes, scared about this that I didn’t know what to do. Although I had avoided the thought for weeks, I was beginning to accept that I was in love, or at least in lust, with my college roommate.
I’d never had these feelings for another man before I’d arrived at this university, but I hadn’t been rooming with Talish more than a week before the feelings of desire began to build up in my body. It was all I could do not to let him see the physical evidence of his effect on me. I was sure that he’d be disgusted; he’d probably scream my infatuation throughout the dorm, and I’d be marked and laughed off campus.

Maybe it was forgetfulness that caused me to return to the room earlier than Talish thought I would rather than going to the gym. But maybe it was some sort of fate. I was deep in thought when I opened the door to the room. I could see that the shades were drawn and it was dark in the room, so I moved quietly, assuming that Talish was taking a nap on his bed. And at first I thought that was exactly what he was doing. He was stretched out on the bed on his belly, naked as usual. He always slept in the nude, which had been part of what had driven me crazy with lust. He had a deeply tanned, perfect body.

But when I looked closer, I could see that he wasn’t asleep. He was moving. And he wasn’t belly to the mattress either. There was another deeply tanned, male body under his. Talish was stretched out over another man, who also was belly to mattress under him, and Talish’s arms stretched up and out wide with the other man’s, the fingers of their hands entwined; their legs also were entwined. Talish’s chest was close into the other man’s shoulder blades, and his chin was hooked on the crook of the man’s shoulder. The two faces were glued at the lips. The movement I’d discerned was focused on the hips of both men. Talish’s cock was buried to the hilt in the other man’s ass, and both were moving at the hips, Talish in a slow circular motion and the man underneath him in an equally languid rising and falling motion. I could see the underside of the hard cock of the skewered man rubbing back and forth against the mattress. As I stopped breathing, the shock of what was happening sinking in, sinking in to the very center of me where I felt my own cock coming to life, I could hear their soft moaning and sighing.

I turned and exited the room, quietly clicking the door behind me, and walked swiftly to my car and sat there trying to compose myself. Although I’d lusted after Talish in a way that was new and frightening to me, I’d had no inkling that he fucked other men. I was being consumed with a combination of joy at the possibilities and a visceral desire to be the man under Talish, being fucked by Talish, and of self-disgust at having these feelings and a horror of what sort of edge I was walking along here.

I had to get away. I had to think and reason this out. And, I had to fight with my instincts, fight not to go over that edge. The edge scared me. My whole life would change if I went over that edge. I couldn’t just walk into our room and tell my roommate I wanted him to fuck me, could I? And, then what, even if I did? I had no idea what to do and how it would feel. I just knew that when I saw those two together just now, I ached to be the man writhing under Talish.

I needed to get away to some place entirely not here. I needed to think this out. I turned the key in the ignition and drove away from the university toward the outskirts of the college town. There was a historical house on a hill overlooking the town, and it had a mile-long hiking trail up to it in a national park area from the bottom, where there was a parking lot. I woke up from something of a trance to find myself parked in that lot. I’d never visited the historical house, and I knew I could use the hike up through the woods to it, so I got out of the car and started walking. I was wearing shorts, a T-shirt, and good sturdy running shoes, as I had intended on going to the gym after class; I hoped they’d let me in to the house tour. However, I was a college student, so I guess they’d become accustomed to young guys dressed like this.

I couldn’t get the image of Talish so closely and intimately fucking that other guy out of my mind as I hiked up the hill, and it was giving me a raging hard on. About half way up the hill, I slipped off the trail and far enough into the woods that I couldn’t be seen from the trail. I leaned up against a tree, pulled my cock out over my waistband, and began stroking myself off. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine Talish’s lovely cock entering me and pumping me. But the image had no sensation to it, and I was cooling off. My cock was not engorging; this wasn’t giving me any relief or release. I thought I heard a sound nearby in the underbrush, and I quickly pushed my cock back inside my shorts and turned back to the trail. The frustration was absorbing me. I didn’t want to cross the edge, but I wanted Talish to fuck me. The idea of that was driving me wild, but I was numb from having absolutely no experience in what males did with males.

Two thirds of the way up the trail, I heard a noise behind me and turned to see that there was a man in khaki uniform and a wide-brimmed hat pacing my walk up the mountain. As I turned, he took his hat off and wiped his arm across his face and then put the hat back on. He was tall, thin, and sinewy looking, with powerful-looking arms. He had a buzz cut, and my first impression was of a former marine who kept up with his routine. He kept his pace gauged to mine, and he didn’t pass me by until I reached the building where tickets were sold to tour the house and gardens.

When I entered the house and gave my ticket to the guide, I saw that the man from the trail was standing there with her and talking in friendly tones with another guide. I could see now that he was a park ranger. He turned hazel eyes and a friendly smile to me, and I felt myself turning red for some reason. It seemed like he was looking right into my mind, discerning that I was all messed up, and why.

Without thinking, I gave him a shy smile and quickly turned and entered the house’s parlor, where I joined five or six others who were on the same tour.

Three rooms later I was standing at the back of the group, lost in an explanation on eighteenth-century life in the house of a Revolutionary War notable when I realized that someone was touching me. It wasn’t just that someone had brushed by me; someone had a hand firmly on one of my butt cheeks and was definitely copping a feel. I quickly pulled away and moved to another part of the group, no longer on the back row. When I looked around, I saw that the park ranger was now with the group. He gave me another one of those smiles, and my cheeks burned. I don’t know if it was because of what I was going through, but I hadn’t been repelled by the encounter. I had enjoyed it. But, again, I was frustrated by not knowing what it meant or where it might be headed, or how it might get there.

Shortly thereafter we found ourselves in the dimly lit kitchen in the slaves quarter area in the gardens away from the main house. We were all packed pretty close together, and once again I found myself on the back row listening to the guide’s description of the kitchen and how activity here fit into the rhythm of the plantation life.

The hand was on my butt again. I didn’t move away this time, even when the hand had squeezed my butt cheek. And then I felt the hand come up and go under the waistband and squeeze the butt cheek, skin on skin. It moved over, centered on the small of my back, and I felt a long, strong finger slowly pushing down through my crack. This scared me, and my knees began to tremble uncontrollably. I did move away this time, moving around the edge of the group and then swirling out of the kitchen door with them, into the sunlight, as the tour ended.

I didn’t follow the others into the garden but stumbled quickly in the direction of the entrance toward the path back down the hillside. This was all just too overwhelming. I’d teetered there on the edge, and it had disturbed me deeply; I hadn’t had any idea where to go from there.

I was moving quickly, blindly down the path. I heard him behind me. The park ranger was following me down the path, moving more quickly than I was.

‘Stop,’ he yelled in a deep, hoarse voice. ‘Just stop.’

I stopped dead in my tracks. His was a voice not to be challenged. But I was trembling all over when he reached me and turned me around, facing him.

He held me out from him with strong hands on my upper arms. I looked down at his hands and wrists. He was wiry, but his fingers were long, strong, and sensuous. Blue veins stood out on his hands and ran up his wrists into the cuffs of his khaki shirt.

‘What are you running from, Son? Why did you leave so quickly?’

‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘Excuse me, but I’ve got to . . .’

‘I don’t think you know what you’ve ‘got to’ do, Son. I think you’re all mixed up about something. Is that right?’

‘Maybe,’ I said in a weak voice. ‘But, but . . . please, I’ve got to go.’

‘Here, we need to get off this path,’ he was saying. He dropped one hand, but he kept a hold on my arm with the other one and pulled me off the side of the path into the trees and to a little glen, where some trees had recently fallen. There were fresh tree stumps and big chunks of tree sections scattered around, sunlit in the dappled rays thrusting in, invading the glen. I didn’t feel there was any chance of breaking away and running back down the path because the grip of his single hand was overwhelmingly powerful. His grip on me was as much emotional and psychological as physical. There wasn’t anything happening to me here that I didn’t want to happen. I just didn’t know how to go about my role. I was standing on the edge, looking down into the abyss.

When we reached the edge of the sunlit area, he turned me around to face him. He’d unbuttoned his shirt en route and pulled the tail out of his pants. As I had imagined, he had a long, lithe chest with heavily muscled pecs and thick, blue veins running around through patches of curly hair outlining his pecs and meeting to travel down his flat belly and under his belt buckle. He pulled me into his chest, thrusting my T-shirt up and off my body in the process. He had one strong arm wrapped around my back and the hand of the other arm palmed out over the small of my back. My nipples were rubbing against his skin below his pecs, and his nipples were rubbing against my upper chest. The sensation was new and very pleasant to me. I was breathing heavily and beginning to tremble again.

‘I think that your problem is that your body wants one thing and your mind and emotions haven’t quite caught up with that yet. Am I missing my guess here?’

‘I don’t know,’ I murmured. ‘No, maybe not.’

I felt his hand go under my waistband, palm out over my buttocks, and that long, sensuous finger pushing down between my crack again.

‘You enjoyed this up at the house, didn’t you?’

‘Yes,’ I whispered. And then I gasped, as his finger found my asshole. I involuntarily went up on my toes, raising my ass up to him, and he took advantage of that to enter me with his finger. I gasped again.

‘Then I’m right,’ he said. ‘This is what your body is telling you it wants. I want you to bring your hand around and feel my cock through my pants now.’

I did so. His prick was long and hard. I groaned and he kissed me then. And then, without losing his finger hold in my ass, he brought his lips and tongue down my neck and to my nipples, arching my torso back.

‘Does my cock scare you?’ he whispered at the level of my nipple.

‘Yes,’ I whimpered.

‘But do you want it in you? Do you want me to fuck you?’

‘Yes,’ I whimpered again.

‘Then do you have a problem with getting on with it?’

‘I . . . I don’t know what to do,’ I murmured. I was close to tears.

‘You don’t have to do anything,’ he said. ‘I’ll do it all. And I’ll be gentle. You’ve never done this before, have you?’

‘No.’

‘But you want to do this now?’

‘Yes, oh yes.’

He stripped off my shorts and picked the shorts and T-shirt up and walked me over to one of the big, broad tree stumps. He removed his shirt and spread this and my shorts and T on top of the stump. He looked down at me and I looked up at him. His arms were strongly muscled and his thick veins rolled around as he moved them. The potential of his power still frightened me. He unbuckled his pants and dropped them to the ground. He could see my eyes blaze with fear and uncertainty, and he grinned a big grin for me. His cock was long but not unusually thick. It was almost fully engorged and curled slightly up toward his stomach. He dropped on his knees below me out of sight, but I knew exactly where he was because he was sucking my cock and had his fingers back working at my asshole. He’d lubricated them and was greasing my hole and a good three inches up my shunt. The pad of a finger found my prostate, which caused a whole new realm of flash-point sensations for me. I felt like I was going to piss and cum at the same time, but the latter won out as his tongue and lips caused me to shoot my load down his throat. His lips and tongue moved on to my asshole, and I writhed in pleasure as he rimmed and tongue fucked me.

‘Do you want me now?’ I heard him ask huskily

‘Yes, yes, yes,’ I replied. ‘But . . . please. I’ve never . . .’

‘Trust me,’ he said, as he stood up. ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to protect you.’

I laughed weakly as I watched him split open a condom packet and roll the translucent sheath onto his cock. I felt his cock head at my hole, and then I felt the pain of him entering me to the rim of his head. He took my hips in his strong hands and rotated me around, opening me to him, and slowly entering me. I groaned and grunted and several times was on the edge of screaming for him to make it stop, but this is what I wanted. After this it would be easier with Talish. I knew that. Talish was thicker than the ranger was. Not as long, but thicker. Doing it with the ranger would help me to do it with Talish. I knew that, and I wanted Talish to do me.

Once his cock had purchase inside me, the ranger let my hips drop back onto the tree stump and he took my legs by the ankles and wishboned them. This opened me more, helping me to accommodate him, as he began to pump me deeply. There was pain, but there was pleasure too, and I was exhilarated at the thought of that long cock buried in me, and of a strongly muscled stranger fucking me. It would be much easier to approach Talish now. While he was pumping me, I imagined it was Talish inside me, and this time I could feel all of the sensations of being fucked by Talish. I could hardly wait.